Shop Owner, myself

Before you read on, I will inform you on some personal background information. It is quite obvious there are red marks on my neck. While I may make chupacabra jokes all day, we both know the likelihood of making out with an actual chuppie is kinda slim.

Truthfully, these marks are associated with a survival account of having been attacked in Colorado Springs while operating as a house cleaner. Thanks for being polite and pretending you haven't noticed them. ☕️ ..now on with the show..

It’s such a weird experience to run this little shop.

Usually in the mornings, my favorite time- to be in shock. Everyday. What is happening

I remember a time similar to this (but not at all) listen. I was in Florida. I had run from Colorado in a broken panic. Remember I sold everything, left behind more- swept up the kids and within chaos, took off to Florida?

There was a brief bubble of time, while my brain tried to repair the disconnected shock cords, that I stayed in a house for six months while homeschooling the kids.

There was a huge tree outside this house- that the neighborhood kept filing complaints about. If you approached it, the lizards would run up and down the aerial roots in tremors of anxiety. If you touched the bark, it hurt your skin. If you lived near it, it’s roots invaded your foundations- this was an aggressive tree. And by the way; he kept threatening the road. A tree as big as that has a tendency to lean it’s weight out of bounds. No one felt confident driving under an archway of branches.

What a good tree. Imagine it, me and the tree. I spent my time taking it’s leaves out of the road and getting bit by some milder foliage spiders.

Then, by doing so, getting caught in the rain showers- which would only last a few torrential minutes. I would note: unsatisfying. (Sometimes you have a certain kind of soulful disposition that requires hours of the saddest rain. I said hours.)

BUT MY POINT IS: I have all the fondest memories of this isolation, even if my brain wasn’t working. I existed on PAUSE. Even then, I still knew- “Appreciate this moment of time, because it is such a brief gift.”

How can I express to you that I was aware

So VERY aware of how limited of a timeframe

I was being held in

OR? And you can maybe help me figure this out

Am I just afraid to accept that life isn’t a series of transitions?

Where am I now

Is it only meant to be as brief as the last time

PS: I know I spent this post babbling about a tree but there were also frogs on the roof. And I loved it, almost as much as I love being here.

Wishing I could feel fixed and rooted rather than just starving to exist within the moment because there is the edge of panic that everything can/will be gone in an instant